Lover, Lover- you don’t treat me no good no more…

Is romance dead?
I recently fell into the Twilight series of movies, if you live under a rock like I apparently did, the movie is about a first love vampire relationship. After watching the movie, I started to think, is romance dead? Are those feelings of first love ever gotten again? Or maybe that’s why it is called first love. The more I thought about it, the more I asked around. After being in a marriage for 10+ years, kids, mortgage, running a business and life, I still questioned is romance dead. Or is it just asleep, ready to be awakened when the kids are gone and sleep becomes more consistent. Or has the romance grown into something else, something deeper than just a hormonal connection that you have as a teenager. I started to realize it was no different to a new relationship in the business. The feeling of excitement when you meet the potential customer for the first time and provide them with the solutions they need. That first date, that first sale. You jump through hoops to make them happy. You want their undivided attention and want to give them your undivided attention. As the relationship progresses, life gets in the way and the flame becomes a spark. It takes longer to get that quote out, and keeping that spark alive with new ideas gets harder and harder with other things filling up your day. But just like a long term relationship, I have to remember that this relationship is an investment. I am in it for the long haul and not a spring fling. You have to work at keeping the spark alive even more than before. Why do marriages end in divorce? The spark dies….and we look for others to start the spark again which can turn to a flame. We can’t let the spark die. We can’t lose the client just like you don’t want your marriage to die. We have to make the time to keep the spark alive. You send those thank you notes, the “I appreciate you” gifts. You go out to lunch and connect again and again and again. You listen to what the customer has to say. You put yourself out there and keep yourself available. You become more creative and realize that you have to treat them like “YOU are the only one. I am here for you” because in the end isn’t that what a relationship is about, being there for each other?

Are you out of my league?

A few months ago I saw this documentary about dating on PBS. It was a group of people all dressed in blue body suits. Like the bobsledder’s at the winter Olympic Games. Each person had a number on is/her head that they did not know. Each was asked to match up with a perfect 10 mate. The best they could attain. What they found was that although each individual thought he was a 10 the mate he was searching for was also looking for a 10. And since they felt that they could do better they continued to find a higher number match. It turned out that on average each mate went above or below 1 point. In business and in life everyone wants to think they are a 10, the best customer service, the most creative, the best prices, the quickest, the fastest. You name it. But just like this dating scenario, you may think you are a 10 but to your ‘potential clients’ eyes, you are just average. Just like dating, you have to realize that not all companies are a match for your business. I remember trying to fill out rfq’s for Wells Fargo, Kaiser and a few others. With each one I learned more about my business and what they were looking for- a perfect 10. At that stage in my career I was probably a 5. What their needs were and what I had to offer was not the perfect match. But just like beauty pageants, you have to enter into the competition and grow and learn from the experience before you can win the title of ‘Miss America’.
Then there is the other scenario, your boyfriend is so good looking that you are afraid he will leave you for someone more in his league. Now I’m not saying that all 10’s are jerks but there are many out there that feel that they deserve to be put on the pedestal of life to be pampered and appreciated all the time. These are the Google’s, the E-Bay’s the Microsoft’s. These names are so well known and so powerful that they receive the best price, the best Customer service, free samples, free shipping, and the best kickbacks. Everyone wants to date them. They are the 10’s. They break you down, so that your profit is slim, your ego is crushed and after the contract, they are off to the next beautiful girl. There is no profit in these companies. They make sure of it! You are dating them for the name, to put it on your resume. You just dated a 10, A Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie, the perfect couple. You must be a 10 now. Others will see you as a 10.

At what point do you say enough is enough. I am worthy of more than a superficial relationship. I am tired of being cast away for another pretty face. I am not going to let you use me. Give me a 6,7,8, an average company ,someone who is just as attractive but is not so high maintenance, a company that will appreciate what I do for them and is happy to compensate me for it, my perfect match. These are the no name companies, just as good looking, just as smart. Or better yet- give me a 3,4,5 who will put me on the pedestal. Unfortunately, when you are trying to grow a company, sometimes you don’t have the luxury of telling him to leave. You financial are not able. You are stuck in this one way relationship where you give, give, give, until you are stable enough to tell them to go jump off of a short pier.