He really is a great Guy!

If you have ever dated and been in a committed relationship, at some point there will be a fight. It will start because of something he did or something he didn’t do. Or it may be something he said or didn’t say. It happens in every relationship. You get upset, cry and run for comfort to your friends and family. “He said and then he said and I did and then he did. He is such a jerk!” Your friends and family support you for what he did. “Why are you letting him treat you that way? You are better than him. Move on! What your friends don’t realize is that they are hearing only one side of the story. And of course once you are able to hash things out with the beau you get back together like nothing ever happened. Except, your friends and family did not see the make-up and the mutual understanding of the fight. They hold on only to what you told them and after time start to resent him. If this continues your friends either learn to hate your boyfriend or decide to find other friends. In business when an order doesn’t go as expected, a client you feel has mistreated you or a misunderstanding occurs, you vent to employees. When you vent to employees, they begin to feel the same resentment as your friends do to your boyfriend. And when that client calls or an order is placed snide remarks are flown around. They no longer want to answer the phone when the client calls and the relationship is affected. Of course just like the girlfriend, you forgot what the mistreatment was about and glad that they are a client. As a business owner, manager, and employee you need to be careful what is said around co-worker. One disgruntled apple can spoil the moral of the company. I have read the book, “Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and less of what you don’t”, by Michael Losier. In it states that you get more of what you give. So – if you give bad energy, you get bad energy. Although it is tough to hold it in at times, find yourself a buddy that will listen and not take it personal. Vent and move on. Isn’t that what life is about- letting it go and being happy.

Don't tell ME! It's a matter of trust.

Don't tell me you are going to pick me up a 7:00pm and show up at 8:00pm. Don't tell me you are going to call me at 9:00 and then call me at 10:30 or not till the next day. Don't tell me we are going out to dinner and you never show up! Don't tell me when we are out on a date that you will be accepting calls on your cell phone.

I want to be your priority and so do clients. So why is it that Vendors can think they can tell you one thing and do another. At what point do you say STOP! Multi-tasking does not work. Make me a priority or I must move on. I don't need lip service. I realized that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you let them walk over you. They will. We are all under alot of preasure to perform and to do a good job but at what point do you say enough is enough. I am going to take priority in your life or otherwise I must move on. I remember the first few times I started dating my husband. He would show up late, at first I thought -oh well, it was just one time. Then it happeded more regularly. After we met again, I put my foot down and told him that if he could not make it on time then I was not a priority for him and that I would need to move on. I stood up for myself and was not going to take the backseat. By standing up for myself- he realized that I was a priority. It's no different with clients. They all want to be a priority. Clients like to have their calls answered timely, quotes received when told and most of all product received when promised. Things in life happen. Even the best layed plans are not executed correctly. We all know that. We are all human. But when we consistently tell our customers, the people we are dating, the vendors we are using that they are a priority and then do not follow up. What are we really telling them. You are not a priority in my life today! There are others that are more important. Each time this happens your belief in this person diminishes untill there is no trust left. It is then that you have to decide if it is the employee that needs to go or the whole company. The actions of one person that can ruin it for the whole company. Please-Please-Please- remember to filter what you say. If you think it will take 1 hour, tell them it will take a day and give it to the client as you thought and not as you said. You will be the hero and not the zero. It is better to under promise and over deliver than the other way around. Is your client a priority in your life or is it someone/something else? If you continue to do this, them my advise to you- take a time management class and get yourself a pda.

Hey wanna go out?

One of the hardest things an entrepreneur will ever do is hire and fire employees. The quest to find and keep good ones is like finding Big Foot or the Lochness monster. Some say they have seen it but has been ever elusive. As I read bad cover letter after bad cover letter, I keep hoping that I will find my prince charming amongst all these frogs. I feel like I am at a bar hearing every bad pick up line in the book. Come here often. What’s your sign? You must be an angel. Let’s tweet. Let’s be Facebook friends. “I recently found your job posting”. Well yeah I posted it. “I think I would be great at this job”. Yea- I am sure you do think that. But do you know anything about me, about my company? Did you even bother to spend the few minutes to see the website? Do you care? How many generic cover letters have you sent out? Do you go out to a bar and use the same pick up line- going to girl after girl till one wants to go out. NO! So how can you send the same cover letter to company after company and expect to get that interview? Your career is riding on the line but still you chose not to spend the extra time to set yourself apart. Then you have those candidates that sound so good in the cover letter, you want to hire them on the spot. He is so good looking but after further review, no one is home, there is nothing in the head. The resume does not support the letter. Who really wrote it? How can this be the same person? Most likely it is not.

It has taken me years, but now I find it rather comical. It is Darwin’s theory. It has become survival of the fittest. Let them weed themselves out. Show no mercy. Tell that guy -thanks but no thanks. I want someone who will appreciate me for my beauty and not a conquest. Keep your free drink. I want someone who will help me grow my business and be there for the long term. Take the time to find the right person. Take it from me, It is best to hire slowly and fire quickly. You will save yourself a lot of heartache and money!

Putting on my push-up bra

Today I have decided that I am metaphorically putting on my stiletto heels and my push-up bra, and I am going dancing to find a man! What forced me to put on my shortest skirt and high heels, my girl friend? If I was going dancing with her, I would need to look just as good and have a better attitude. It reminded me of my early college years. My friends and I would go dancing at this night club called the Palladium. I hated going there. I rarely ever got asked to dance. Maybe it was because my girlfriends were taller than me, prettier than me, funnier than me or maybe it was my attitude. One night was tough, everyone was dancing except me. Each time a guy walked over, it was to dance with another friend and another. My self esteem was crushed. When someone did finally ask me to dance, I was so mad I said no. I didn’t need a sympathy dance. I needed to keep my winning losing streak. Sounds funny but that was how I felt. So why do I bring this up. Because the same feeling continue to come up in business. The feeling that I am not pretty enough, not smart enough, just not enough. The feeling that my company is not big enough, I don’t have enough employees. I am not capable. My offerings are saturated in the marketplace. There are too many girls like me- too many girls to choose from and I am not what companies –the boys, are looking for right now. Getting out there and introducing your services and company is a part of growing a business. Belonging to associations is a great way to build relationships and grow the business. The only problem is that not all associations, just like not all night clubs are going to be best for you. I belong to this organization which assists minority businesses in getting contacts with large corporations. The problem, there are too many people in my commodity. So do I want to dress up and go to the party? No, not really – but if I don’t, I will never find out if I find that right person that will take my business to the next level. Plus, I don’t want to hear about the great guy my girlfriend met and that I should have been there. So, I will have to put on my push-up bra, the stiletto heels, my positive attitude and see who takes notice of me. What do I have to lose…. There is nowhere to go but up.

Lover, Lover- you don’t treat me no good no more…

Is romance dead?
I recently fell into the Twilight series of movies, if you live under a rock like I apparently did, the movie is about a first love vampire relationship. After watching the movie, I started to think, is romance dead? Are those feelings of first love ever gotten again? Or maybe that’s why it is called first love. The more I thought about it, the more I asked around. After being in a marriage for 10+ years, kids, mortgage, running a business and life, I still questioned is romance dead. Or is it just asleep, ready to be awakened when the kids are gone and sleep becomes more consistent. Or has the romance grown into something else, something deeper than just a hormonal connection that you have as a teenager. I started to realize it was no different to a new relationship in the business. The feeling of excitement when you meet the potential customer for the first time and provide them with the solutions they need. That first date, that first sale. You jump through hoops to make them happy. You want their undivided attention and want to give them your undivided attention. As the relationship progresses, life gets in the way and the flame becomes a spark. It takes longer to get that quote out, and keeping that spark alive with new ideas gets harder and harder with other things filling up your day. But just like a long term relationship, I have to remember that this relationship is an investment. I am in it for the long haul and not a spring fling. You have to work at keeping the spark alive even more than before. Why do marriages end in divorce? The spark dies….and we look for others to start the spark again which can turn to a flame. We can’t let the spark die. We can’t lose the client just like you don’t want your marriage to die. We have to make the time to keep the spark alive. You send those thank you notes, the “I appreciate you” gifts. You go out to lunch and connect again and again and again. You listen to what the customer has to say. You put yourself out there and keep yourself available. You become more creative and realize that you have to treat them like “YOU are the only one. I am here for you” because in the end isn’t that what a relationship is about, being there for each other?

Are you out of my league?

A few months ago I saw this documentary about dating on PBS. It was a group of people all dressed in blue body suits. Like the bobsledder’s at the winter Olympic Games. Each person had a number on is/her head that they did not know. Each was asked to match up with a perfect 10 mate. The best they could attain. What they found was that although each individual thought he was a 10 the mate he was searching for was also looking for a 10. And since they felt that they could do better they continued to find a higher number match. It turned out that on average each mate went above or below 1 point. In business and in life everyone wants to think they are a 10, the best customer service, the most creative, the best prices, the quickest, the fastest. You name it. But just like this dating scenario, you may think you are a 10 but to your ‘potential clients’ eyes, you are just average. Just like dating, you have to realize that not all companies are a match for your business. I remember trying to fill out rfq’s for Wells Fargo, Kaiser and a few others. With each one I learned more about my business and what they were looking for- a perfect 10. At that stage in my career I was probably a 5. What their needs were and what I had to offer was not the perfect match. But just like beauty pageants, you have to enter into the competition and grow and learn from the experience before you can win the title of ‘Miss America’.
Then there is the other scenario, your boyfriend is so good looking that you are afraid he will leave you for someone more in his league. Now I’m not saying that all 10’s are jerks but there are many out there that feel that they deserve to be put on the pedestal of life to be pampered and appreciated all the time. These are the Google’s, the E-Bay’s the Microsoft’s. These names are so well known and so powerful that they receive the best price, the best Customer service, free samples, free shipping, and the best kickbacks. Everyone wants to date them. They are the 10’s. They break you down, so that your profit is slim, your ego is crushed and after the contract, they are off to the next beautiful girl. There is no profit in these companies. They make sure of it! You are dating them for the name, to put it on your resume. You just dated a 10, A Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie, the perfect couple. You must be a 10 now. Others will see you as a 10.

At what point do you say enough is enough. I am worthy of more than a superficial relationship. I am tired of being cast away for another pretty face. I am not going to let you use me. Give me a 6,7,8, an average company ,someone who is just as attractive but is not so high maintenance, a company that will appreciate what I do for them and is happy to compensate me for it, my perfect match. These are the no name companies, just as good looking, just as smart. Or better yet- give me a 3,4,5 who will put me on the pedestal. Unfortunately, when you are trying to grow a company, sometimes you don’t have the luxury of telling him to leave. You financial are not able. You are stuck in this one way relationship where you give, give, give, until you are stable enough to tell them to go jump off of a short pier.

Birds & Bees of Business

After 12+ years of running my own business. I realized that the issues of running a small business, no matter what business you are in, are still the same. I have found so many similarities in dating and running a company. From the first date, the first love, the first heart break, to marriage, children and divorce, the similarities are endless.  It has become therapeutic for me in relating my experiences with running a business.

I hope you enjoy my blogs   Hopefully you can learn from my mistake and I hope that there are other people out there that can relate.